Post by Lieutenant Columbo on Dec 21, 2006 0:54:55 GMT
No offence intended folks - all just a bit of fun!
All you greedy people on about presents and food and boozing!
You forget the true meaning of Chrimbo - so here for you all is the story of "Yon Holy Babby".
Christmas Eve to be... BC minutes to AD.
Everywhere is busy what with Christmas coming up, so it was a toss up between getting chilled in snowy Bethlehem (as seen on cards in later years) or sitting in a stable.
Now this stable has a door on it, unlike them you can buy which has a whole wall missing, so you can see everyone inside.
Mary and Joseph are sat in the stable being looked upon 'adoringly' by animules... well, not really... the animals are all wondering why there are so many different species all sat round and if ever this whole thing will be done by primary schools in years to come.
The three kings have just been and have been told to come back as they were too early - one forgot to 'put the wood in the hole' giving birth to the 'born in a barn' joke (well... barn/stable... six of one, half a dozen of another really).
Please turn your mobiles off folks, the show is ready to start.
Joseph: Here Virgin M... it's not far off A.D. now... haven't you had that babby yet?
Mary: Nah... I thowt me watter's had broke before, but it's just the straw I was kipping on making me sweat... by heck, it gets fair warm you know.
Joseph: Right I'm off for the pizza then.
Mary: Did they have 'em back then?
Joseph: 'Back then'? It isn't 'then' to us... it's 'now'.
Mary: Oh. Oh well, don't blame me if Pizza Hut's shut, or doesn't exist yet.
Joseph: Okay... I'll text you when I'm on my road back. Now, where've I left the keys to me donkey?
Later...
Mary: You took your time - where've you been?
Joseph: They were shut, so I had to go to t' chippy instead. I got you a fish.
Mary: A fish? It's not Good Friday is it?
Joseph: What's 'Good Friday'?
Mary: I don't know, it don't exist yet.
Joseph: Here you are then, fish chips and peas, and a can of lilt.
Mary: Lilt? Oh I can't sup that! You have it... I've been thinking too... his birthday's going to be the same as Christmas Day... now, should we just buy him one lot of presents or two? I'm thinking one, because we're a bit strapped for cash, what with paying off this halo I got from Littlewoods.
Joseph: Yes, I think you're right... anyroad, wait 'til he's old enough to write... we can flog signed photos on 'eBay'.
Mary: What are photos?
Just then... the three wise men walk into the stable.
Joseph: If you've come carol singing, beggar off - we've no money... and besides, you're early - it don't exist yet.
Wise Man: Nough, ye've got it wrong oh Holy Joe - we're three wise men.
Joseph: Typical. You wait ages for a wise man, then three come at once!
THE END
;D
N.
All you greedy people on about presents and food and boozing!
You forget the true meaning of Chrimbo - so here for you all is the story of "Yon Holy Babby".
Christmas Eve to be... BC minutes to AD.
Everywhere is busy what with Christmas coming up, so it was a toss up between getting chilled in snowy Bethlehem (as seen on cards in later years) or sitting in a stable.
Now this stable has a door on it, unlike them you can buy which has a whole wall missing, so you can see everyone inside.
Mary and Joseph are sat in the stable being looked upon 'adoringly' by animules... well, not really... the animals are all wondering why there are so many different species all sat round and if ever this whole thing will be done by primary schools in years to come.
The three kings have just been and have been told to come back as they were too early - one forgot to 'put the wood in the hole' giving birth to the 'born in a barn' joke (well... barn/stable... six of one, half a dozen of another really).
Please turn your mobiles off folks, the show is ready to start.
Joseph: Here Virgin M... it's not far off A.D. now... haven't you had that babby yet?
Mary: Nah... I thowt me watter's had broke before, but it's just the straw I was kipping on making me sweat... by heck, it gets fair warm you know.
Joseph: Right I'm off for the pizza then.
Mary: Did they have 'em back then?
Joseph: 'Back then'? It isn't 'then' to us... it's 'now'.
Mary: Oh. Oh well, don't blame me if Pizza Hut's shut, or doesn't exist yet.
Joseph: Okay... I'll text you when I'm on my road back. Now, where've I left the keys to me donkey?
Later...
Mary: You took your time - where've you been?
Joseph: They were shut, so I had to go to t' chippy instead. I got you a fish.
Mary: A fish? It's not Good Friday is it?
Joseph: What's 'Good Friday'?
Mary: I don't know, it don't exist yet.
Joseph: Here you are then, fish chips and peas, and a can of lilt.
Mary: Lilt? Oh I can't sup that! You have it... I've been thinking too... his birthday's going to be the same as Christmas Day... now, should we just buy him one lot of presents or two? I'm thinking one, because we're a bit strapped for cash, what with paying off this halo I got from Littlewoods.
Joseph: Yes, I think you're right... anyroad, wait 'til he's old enough to write... we can flog signed photos on 'eBay'.
Mary: What are photos?
Just then... the three wise men walk into the stable.
Joseph: If you've come carol singing, beggar off - we've no money... and besides, you're early - it don't exist yet.
Wise Man: Nough, ye've got it wrong oh Holy Joe - we're three wise men.
Joseph: Typical. You wait ages for a wise man, then three come at once!
THE END
;D
N.